The introduction of all things Internet – email in particular – presented a need to create a handle. Creating a personal email address required the perfect handle and I took some time to make a meaningful choice. This was going to be another name, chosen by me this time, and I wanted it to be one that could describe my identity for eternity. I landed on godzgrl (God’s Girl). I was choosing Christianity for myself so to speak at that time and full of unbridled zest for the religion to be sure to be a living representation of Christianity at its finest, evangelizing by the blessed life it would soon manifest. I’ll leave that there for now.
Between a spiritual crisis of sorts and people’s misunderstanding of the handle – for some reason many went to Godzilla Girl – I decided to find a more suitable handle when opening my social media accounts. I chose the handle WoundedHealer76 for several reasons but the most important is because of what it means.
A Wounded Healer is a person who is compelled to heal others because she herself is wounded. Generally, the Wounded Healer manages to heal others but is unable to heal herself. At the time I took on that name, it fit well. The pain I needed to heal from at the time was emotional. Whenever a pity party felt imminent, the laundry list of all things unfair that I’d suffered during the first 25 years of my life was long. And I had no idea why these things were happening to me. So trying to figure out the existential question, “Why?” with no response (from God), I settled on the next best thing – become a martyr of sorts.
I was sexually abused as a toddler and on and off for 20 years of my life because I was supposed to help victims of sexual abuse. I suffered under the hands of an abusive step-monster while my father emotionally neglected me because I was supposed to become a great parent (or at least a good stepmother). I lost my mother 14 days into my teen years because I was supposed to help young girls grieve their mothers. And I was vigilant when presented with the opportunity to help anyone in this way. Fortunately I know that I truly helped many people. But I remained wounded. I couldn’t find my way out of my own suffering. Nor did it seem like anyone else could help me navigate my way out of my own pain. Thankfully I had enough sense to seek professional help. But as I said, unable to heal myself.
If I wore my name Regina like a diamond tiara, then I wore Wounded Healer like that super cute hat or beautiful wrap/scarf that is hiding unruly hair between whatever treatments and styles you usually wear. It’s cute, like I said, and you are working it, but it’s covering up the imperfections and the secrets and the ugly things. It doesn’t actually resolve anything.
I have tried to release the handle WoundedHealer76 but I just can’t let it go. I no longer believe myself to be a martyr. I accept that there are things in my life that though they happened for a reason, I don’t yet know or understand that reason. Maybe it’ll all make sense in the end. I’m no longer driven to make it purposeful. But as with God’s Girl, Wounded Healer was a perfect name for a season. And as I believe that I am the sum of my life experiences, I will always have a part that is called God’s Girl and a part called Wounded Healer.
I am Regina Lynette. And I have been a Wounded Healer.
I am Regina Lynette 