The year was 1996 and I was working at Lerner New York (formerly Lerner; currently New York & Company) folding t-shirts on a table at the front of the store, planted as the deterrent for theft and the official greeter. A song played on the store’s new soundtrack for the month and it was love at first beat. On my break I searched the song title from the store playlist and went to the music store upstairs (I can’t remember what it was called because it changed nearly every year) to get my CD. I didn’t need to listen to it for free before purchasing on nasty community headphones used to sample music and was completely content that it was in my locker waiting for a late-night play on my shelf system at home during a “burn” to a cassette. Sadly, my car only played cassette tapes – which wasn’t weird for the year, but I was a few minutes behind the times not having a CD deck in the trunk of my car. And that aux setup for your portable CD player was a track-skipping nightmare. That CD was Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite and I listened to each track with my full attention catching every beat, horn, bass, and lyric. Despite that very long description of that moment, this post isn’t about Maxwell’s debut album. It’s about two artists I fell for much later after deciding that I was all about this Neo-Soul genre. Ms. Erykah Badu (1997) and Ms. Jill Scott (2000).
Neo-Soul caused a shift in the air of my everyday world. When I entered college, I was finally free to figure out who I really was at the core of my being. I was reaching into the depths of my soul to that which was planted in me when I was conceived, created, and born. Pretty soon after you’re born your parents put you on the best path they can so that you become a person who makes a strong and positive contribution to your family legacy and to the world, right? But they don’t always get it quite right – like my parents. And after Mommy died, I realized her plans for me basically ended after college graduation, and that I was living her plan for my life and had no other. Freshman year of college I learned I was going to have to change the major she intended for me and thus began my birth-soul* search. And while Maxwell, Lauryn Hill, Love Jones, and so many other artists and films contributed to this awakening of my birth-soul*, Erykah Badu and Jill Scott contributed in a different way. It was as if everything of the late 90’s created a foundation and Erykah Badu and Jill Scott came and painted murals all over that foundation. Those years, though personally tumultuous, were a time where it was beautiful to be black. It was full of rich chocolate browns, royal blues and purples, denim, leather, and the overly perfumed sprays of peaches, pears, and waters. I think I watched Love Jones every Friday night between 1997 and 2000. I literally didn’t want to leave the theater after watching The Best Man. It was a time to rival the 70s Black Is Beautiful atmosphere of the world.
As I prepared for the Erykah Badu/Jill Scott Versuz I realized how much these ladies/queens/goddesses contributed to the soundtrack of my life. Ms. Erykah Badu unearthed my love of herbal teas and tisanes, and my talent for creating a calming atmosphere. Ms. Jill Scott showed me the beauty of my original design and the earthy chocolate brown love that I bring as a Black American woman.
Erykah Badu’s debut album and the following live version spoke of a life I never knew. Then someone was planted to briefly cross my path and give me a book – I love when God uses the universe for me that way. I read Queen Afua’s Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind and changed my eating and drinking habits from the soul-food and processed foods on which I lived (or maybe survived is a better term). I saw her in impossibly tall head wraps, ankh jewelry, torn and cut t-shirts and saw glimpses into myself. My introduction to the ankh changed my opinion of the Christian cross – I choose the ankh because it is life-affirming while for me the cross is a reminder of a horrible death. I see the effects of “meeting” Erykah Badu all over my life years later. And I am grateful that she broke me open and showed me that life could be a different color than my parents painted for me.
Jill Scott’s debut album took a little longer to win me over. It had absolutely nothing to do with her, her talent, nor her artistry, but because of the state of my life in 2000. I was angry just in general and I didn’t even notice until my sister called me Rebel Gina. She brought to my attention that my wardrobe consisted solely of the colors olive green and black – grey and black for work and church. I was essentially in military camo. But hearing ‘Gettin’ in The Way’ on the radio at work was enough to purchase the CD on September 16, 2000. I remember the actual date because I was grieving my mother for her birthday, so much so that I couldn’t go in to work that day. I ate comfort foods and listened to her words and sounds and was uplifted by the end of the day. Jill Scott showed me the poetry of life which lead me to reading poetry for the first time in my life. She talked about heartbreaks that can be healed when you love yourself. And I opened up to the possibilities of real and true and good love. It led to one of the most significant relationships of my life and the healing of a previous relationship that left me shattered.
I am a Christian and I have mixed emotions about admitting the truth that Erykah Badu and Jill Scott healed my wounds and paved the way for my soul to shine much more so than my Christian path. But for the sake of being really honest, Christians and their ministering intentions didn’t touch what neo-soul did for my birth-soul*. How many times have I been told, “read your Bible and pray” as a catch-all remedy for whatever was going on in my life? Now, make no mistake, I believe it is necessary to my Christian path to read my Bible and pray. But there is something different about sharing your real-life experience and how you overcame similar suffering. Not one of the Christians who ministered to me accepted that I live with a Bipolar Disorder II diagnosis and maintain mood stability with medication. Not one of the Christians who ministered to me told me about how life-long dreams can seem to never come true despite everything you put out there. Not one of the Christians who ministered to me has waited decades to walk in their purpose with no idea if it really will come to pass. Not one of them was ever love-sick.
Erykah Badu and Jill Scott allowed Gina to begin to shine from her southern roots. Neo-soul perfumed my air with patchouli, sandalwood, jasmine, and vanilla. Neo-Soul colored my days in rich earth tones. Neo-Soul filled in and rounded out my spirituality. Neo-Soul showed me that not only nerds love words and that artists are found everywhere – not just in fine arts. And I am so grateful for what neo-soul did for my birth-soul*.
*I’m tragically defining “birth-soul” as the inner “real me” – the person Gina was created and intended to be.
I am Regina Lynette 